Laundry detergent

Humour — 20 February 2017

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A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a large-size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Nope, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“You shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him,” said the grocer.
But the boy was not to be stopped; he carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an “I-told-you-so” said he was sorry the dog died, but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle!”

http://www.oshonews.com/2017/02/20/laundry-detergent/

What’s the time?

Humour — 18 February 2017

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A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers he has an important meeting scheduled.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. At that moment, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?”
The patient calls back, “One moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
While the passer-bye watches this with awe, the patient withdraws a slide rule from his pocket, calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.”
The man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, “That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?”
The patient holds up his wrist and says, “I suppose I’d just look at my watch.”
http://www.oshonews.com/2017/02/18/whats-the-time/

What’s With the Ostrich?

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A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant.
The waitress asks, “What will it be?”
The man replies, “A burger and a coke.”
“And you?” the waitress asks the ostrich.
“I’ll have the same,” the ostrich replies.
They finish their meal and pay.
“That will be $4.50,” says the waitress.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount. They do this every day till Friday.
“The usual?” the waitress asks.
“No, today is Friday. I’ll have steak and a coke.”
“Me too,” says the ostrich.
They finish and pay.
“That will be $10.95.”
The man reaches in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress is dumb-founded. “How is it that you always have the exact amount?”
“Well,” says the man. “I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared.”
“Wow!” exclaimed the waitress. “What did you wish for?”
“I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket.”
“Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what’s with the ostrich?”
“Well,” says the man. “I also asked for a chick with long legs.”

http://www.oshonews.com/2017/01/01/whats-with-the-ostrich/