Osho,
What is the difference between a crystallized self and a
big, strong ego?
They look alike, but they are as different as two things can
be. Not only different, they are diametrically opposite. The crystallized self
is not a self at all. It is called a crystallized “self,” but it is not a self
at all. And the big, strong ego is neither big nor strong. It is very hollow -
how can it be strong? It is very empty - how can it be strong, and how can it
be big? It is neither big nor strong, but it has the “selfhood” in it, the
“I-amness,” the feeling that “I am.”
The ego is the self. The real self is not a self at all. We
develop the ego just to hide the fact that we don’t know who we are. It is very
hard to see that we are so ignorant about ourselves, that we don’t know. To
hide this ignorance, we create the ego. Ego is a deception, it is a deception
that you are giving to yourself. It is really difficult to live without
self-knowing, so we create a false ego. It gives a little consolation. One starts
feeling that one knows who one is.
It simply hides ignorance; that’s why all the religions
insist on dropping the ego. Unless you drop the ego and you face your inner
being.the vastness of it is such that you cannot define it as “I am.” The
vastness is so much that it cannot be contained by any concept, within any
concept. You cannot call it “I.” It is all - how can you call it “I”? The real
self, the real inner being, is existence itself. It is all.
But one has to face it. In the beginning, when you face it,
it looks as if it is nothing. That is the fear. “The all” looks like nothing in
the first encounter. If you get in tune with it, by and by, the negativity
disappears and you start feeling its positive existence. Then it becomes your
soul. Call it God, being, or any word that you want to choose; call it
enlightenment, awareness. But one thing is certain: you are not there.
Something is there, tremendously vital, infinite, but you are not there.
This will look like a paradox: when you come to know yourself
you are not there; when you don’t know yourself you are there. You exist only
in your ignorance. When knowledge has happened - when knowing has happened -
you disappear. You disappear like darkness - just as the sun rises and the
darkness disappears, you disappear like darkness when awareness arises. The
awareness does not belong to you, it has nothing to do with you. In fact you
are the barrier for it. It is because of you that it is not arising.
People come to me and they say, “Osho, I would like to
become enlightened.” I say to them, “It is very difficult, it is impossible. I
cannot help you.” They say, “Why? Why can’t you help?” I say, “From the very
beginning you are putting such a condition. You are saying, ‘I want to become
enlightened.’ This ‘I’ is the barrier. This ‘I’ is not allowing you to know
your enlightenment - which is already there. The ‘I’ never becomes enlightened,
the ‘I’ is the unenlightened state, the ‘I’ is the darkness.”
Enlightenment is possible, but it will be possible only when
you are ready to lose yourself. That is the meaning of Jesus’ saying when he
says, “If you lose, you will gain. If you don’t lose, you will lose.” In losing
is the gain. In forgetting is the remembrance. In dissolving, you become
crystallized.
The crystallized self is a no-self - it is all - and the
big, strong ego is very tiny, not big at all. The tiniest thing in the world is
the ego, and the hollowest thing in the world is the ego, and the weakest thing
in the world is the ego - because it is the falsest thing possible. It exists
not. It is a pretension.
Osho:
Ecstasy: The Forgotten Language
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